This subject has always been one in the back of my mind for some time. But I feel I was lied to as a kid quite a lot.
For example, when out shopping with my parents I would quite often want something. A pair of trainers, the ghostbusters tower HQ or a can of nuts that when you opened it those snakes jumped out, but I was always told "if you're good, we'll see on the way back". Excitedly I'd hold my mums hand and be on my best behaviour only to find that my mum would have planned the walk back to the car by taking a 20min detour to avoid that shop.

Now I understand that parents need to lie, in situation like this, it stops kids being shouty and spoilt (like now, but that's another topic) but some of the lies I was told as a kid are terrible.

My favourite film as a child (and now) is Top Gun, I loved it, if I was at home I watched it at least once a day on the video recorded off the tv with the tab clicked off so no one could record over it, I could repeat it word for word and still can. I loved this film so much because my grandad had told me it was based on his life in the RAF during his national service in the 50's.
One English lesson we were asked to write about our favourite film and why it was our favourite film, easy when your film is about your grandad! I was laughed at by my own teacher, and it turns out that my grandad only used to fill the planes up with fuel and they weren't F-14s on a aircraft carrier like in Top Gun more an airfield in the Rutland countryside.

This brings me onto sex, and more importantly sex education, at school we had started to learn about sex and specifically where babies come from. Whilst sat watching TV (Big Break was on) in the living room with my mum one night I asked the question "What are foreceps?" I assume attempting to avoid the possible conversation that was coming she answered "its the extender thing they use in snooker", so right into my early adult life I thought when delivering a baby they would use a long stick with a star metal star on the end to hook the baby out.

The same goes for children's books, Roald Dahl, now u went round Cadburys world recently and having not stolen any chocolate, not getting sucked up a huge chocolate sucking tube, not getting shrunk to TV size and not being discarded as a bad nut I was still not offered the chocolate factory business!

See ruined by childhood stories!

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So I've worked out the old blogging from my phone thing. I hope this means I'll blog more, but you can't promise this sort of thing.
Lots of exciting projects on the horizon; podcasts, birmingham comedy festival and my exciting Jon Pearson: Pork Pie Eater, Beano Reader a half an hour set that is very much in it's early stages and yet to have a full outing.
Anyway toodle pip and all that and speak again soon


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So last night was our first night @ The King George V in Walsall, and what a night it was.
The show was set to start at 8pm, by 8:02pm, we had 4 audience and 6 acts... then what can only be described as a BUS LOAD turned up paid and sat down for comedy! 30 punters in a room that is set to hold 50 and the atmosphere was buzzing.
This was billed as a Comedy night in aid of Comic Relief and first off I would like to say a great big thank you to all the acts that performed and made this night a cracker of a first gig in a new venue.
Aaron Twitchen open the night with his amazing style that has put him firmly on circuit as a fantastic comic and one that any promoters out there should book to open your nights, he had great audience banter and all of his act had the crowd in belly laughter throughout.
Rob Jackson was up next, an old comedy friend of ours who started with all us "Half Doggers" on the same course. He's had a break from the comedy but came back recently with the same charm and fantastic lines that we loved about him at the start, Rob ended the 1st section to much applause so well done Rob for taking the plunge and coming back on the circuit.
Little break and up next was Dan Palmer, someone that I have never seen before (and was on due to driving Liam Jones to the gig), had a great spot and again had the audience hanging on his every word and laughter filled the room.
Liam Jones was up next and being the "uncle we don't like to talk about" to us Half Doggers (he ran the course that we all did) it was great to finally see his act after nearly a year of not seeing it, loads of chatting and audience participation and his final sing along song got the entire room singing back to him.
Harriet Dyer was up next and as always she smashed the room apart with some fantastic lines and amazing insights into her life (I like to think we helped her along by winning our Gong Show at the Wharf a few months back). The crowd loved her and she was a fantastic end to the second section.
Joke competition during the break and Rob Jones (who did brilliantly as the compere as this was his compering virginity being broken), used amazing comic timing to give the jokes the energy that they needed, even if he couldn't read some of them due to bad writing or his own dyslexia.
Headlining the night was Tom Roche and as always Tom was a pleasure to have at the gig even before he went on, great supporter of new/experienced acts with some great advise offered to all on how to improve, what worked and what he thought was brilliant.
Tom went on and was ever the professional , mixing material with audience banter brilliantly and really getting the "Rob Jones work mates hecklers" involved in his act, more to shut them up really, but was dealt with by Tom in a fantastic way. Tom again is a brilliant act and should be booked by anyone that is looking for a great closer.

So that's it really, great night raising nearly £100 in aid of Comic Relief. Looking forward to the next one, Friday April 29th 2011. King George V, Wallows Lane, Walsall. On the day of the Royal Wedding!

:-(

The run has ended!

That is all

Thank you

Hello all!
Its again been sometime, and if anyone is reading this then sorry and you probably think I've fallen off the planet somewhere!

So I've had a run of fantastic gigs, not wishing to blow my own trumpet (but you have to when you also have a run of REALLY bad gigs!).

The run started in Ravenstone on Feb 9th. A lovely new gig for the East Midlands and was brilliantly supported by the local people who where all there to laugh, which always makes things easier! Tried out more new stuff than I was orginally going to and it went down really well, so thats staying in!
I didn't gig much between the 9th and the end of Feb, I went on holiday instead. But then the run continued with a fantastic gig at The Gladstone in Nottingham compered by a comedic friend Chris Stokes, there was only 3 of us on, me being the middle open spot between the amazing Caroline Mabey and superb Elis James and again this night was amazing, crowd loved to laugh and again everything goes down brilliantly, even when the jokes failed, pointing out that it failed made the room fill with laughter!

Next up was me compering a night at Carters Bar in Kiddiminster, this started off ok. Good audience interaction with the "up for it punters" and some great banter with the pissed guy that left during my first section. It all got scary after some "newbies" turned up just as I introduced Rob Coleman to the stage. A young couple who had clearly been drinking since about 11years old and my word they were loud! Rob dealt with them professionally but I got annoyed at them when the male shouted "I'm better than you mate" during Robs set.
So in true "non-confrontational" style I took the mic and engaged him, starting with light banter about him not being able to shutup etc. I asked if he wanted a go, as he thought he was so good which he declined. Then having been asked by the venue to leave as he was to drunk he turned to the stage and asked ME to tell them to keep serving him. Now, in hindsight, I shouldn't have turned on him, but I did, and I told him that I thought he best leave as he was "abit of a c**t". Jesus did THAT not go down well. The exchange that then took place was nothing more than a blur, he tried to out do me, but (IMHO) I think I killed everything he said. Once ejected he kicked off at the bar maid, whose boyfriend was in the crowd and was soon shoving this guy out the door, the doors were then locked and the police called..... not before he told me he was going to "got get his dad(?), to beat the shit into me".

After this we all bonded with the audience and the rest of the night was amazing, particular highlights being Dave Baggott revised set and Al Grants amazing musical headline act!

So thats it, off to Cannock tonight to support a Billy Connelly (tribute), hoping to keep this run going, but as we all know as comedians it will all come to an end with a bump of a bad gig, but at present I'm riding high, hoping that good things come in more than threes.... like jelly babies!

Pip Pip

Hello! I am still here. Just not really had much time to write anything recently!

I've been giggin allot since my last post, to much to comment on them all but I suppose 2 of the highlights would be OPENING a brand new night at the Litten Tree in Coventry and HEADLINING a new night in Stourport last month. (I love saying Headlining, technically I went on last, but that will do for me).
I've been writing allot of new stuff, some of which I have let out the bag, some of which is still to close to me to allow it to have a run out (scared I suppose that it will be shit, but yet I love it so much).

Rock and Relativity Holiday Conspiracies was a show we did for the Birmingham Comedy Festival, it went down really well for the festival, not so great on its second outing at the Wharf Bar in Walsall though, so that needs some rewriting.

On a personal note I was made redundant earlier in the year, but found a job working on an IT helpdesk as a second line server engineer within a week of my redundancy, which was nice.
So I'm now pretty much a comedy cliche with working in a call centre and doing the comedy at night. Gives me plenty of time to think of more stuff, but working in a call centre not as much funny stuff happens as you are lead to believe.

So thats pretty much it, I'm blogging for blogging sack really, just so (if I did have any followers) they did think I was dead.

Off I pop!
Speak to you all soon

In for a penny..... in for a free drink

So I stuck my neck out pretty much straight after my first gig at the highlight, on a high, euphoric thoughts of how great I seemed to go down in a room full of people that had turned up to see us all for our first ever gig. With these disillusioned thoughts in my head.... I booked myself in for the 'King Gong show at the Manchester Comedy Store. It can't be that bad.......... can it?

Having spoken to a lot of people on the circuit my heart had started to sink with each conversation. "They're RUTHLESS up there" or "I did a 8 hour round trip to have 30 seconds on that show" and my personal favourite "I was chanted off stage with people pointing at me, screaming 'You're shit, give up you worthless piece of shit'". So I was beginning to get nervous.
Luckily for me and my normal unorganised self, I'd forgotten I'd booked in for this, and the date, untill Friday around lunch time when I was checking through the folders of my email and came across the acceptance. So I only had 2 days worth of nerves on my back... which helped.

Manchester.... here I come.... ready or not.
So I needed to be there for 19.30, left the house at 17.20 and arrived, once sat nav had decided it DID know its way around Manchester, at 19.00. Not a bad journey, sun was out and I was being the good comedian and re-listening to my set on MP3.... not for the full 1 and a half hours, but for the last 30mins before I got there. Parking around the Comedy Store is STUPIDLY expensive, NCP - £8 for up to 4 hours!!!! Luckily as I was lost, I spotted the Comedy Store on the right, and as I drove past slowly someone pulled out of the Parking metre bays at the front, which are free on Sundays, so I jumped in... HAPPY DAYS!!

The Gig
I was toying with a new intro all the way up there, something more punchy, something that would really get them laughing straight off the bat, I'd decided on opening with the "I'm from Melton Mowbray", and then tell everyone how I had to apologise, because I'd tried to eat all the pies etc etc. on reflection I probably should have gone with that, but instead I opted for the standard start about my nickname, which went down well, and they loved the Sticky Vicky line.

Sitting in the audience waiting to go on stage was nerve jangling, and its true, the crowd were RUTHLESS. First act on, was there for 1min 10 seconds. BOY was she not happy! As the night progressed the card holders (3 red cards are distributed in the audience, if 3 cards are shown, you get gonged) were doing a pretty good job, at times a bit slow but the audience would let them know they weren't happy by quite willingly shouting "CARD" if they didn't like you.

I was on first after the break, Lukas Wild was on just before the break and was Gonged at 4mins 41 seconds.... it would seem that the card holders didn't like religion, but cock gags etc were going down a storm.
So I got up and started my set, it was all going well, untill I forgot to do the list of male nicknames and went into the "lawn bowls" stuff. Once I said I was a national champion, 1 card went up, then I said I had killed old people on the bowls rink another card went up and before I could get my "banker" PTO joke off I was gonged "because I worked in IT".

I was happy with the 3mins 35seconds I got, I was expecting under 1minute so I'm pretty pleased. Had some good feedback from other people who didn't have cards so it really is all down to the crowd.

I'm going back, with better prepared material..... and I WILL last 5mins!

ta-ra pet!